Author Archives: Keith

An Apt Metaphor for a Bad Month

If I supported Villa I’d be going though a bottle of whiskey every game right now.

- @Regista_Michael, during Saturday’s 2-2 draw with West Bromwich Albion, which Villa led 2-0 at the break

I had a big long post prepared that summarized the bad month of matches that Aston Villa has had, which saw them drop out of both Cups to lower-league opposition and mire further into a relegation fight, beginning with the 8-0 trouncing at Stamford Bridge.  I had written a whole thing about how Lambert’s Norwich sides never did “boring,” which is great when you’re building confidence in League 1, but not the best when you just need to keep schtum at the back (some of which I will reprise). I did still decide to keep the above pull quote from Twitter, because it really does set the scene.

Then, in our internal email threads where we swear at each other and share fun stuff  with each other, we were discussing the hilarity of the Brek Shea “donkey photo (after the jump).”  And in that thread I had lamented Villa’s ouster from the FA Cup, which led Phil to say this:

Keith, is this the Brek Shea donkey photo of Villa seasons?

Well, let’s look, shall we?

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NWSL Draft Round-Up: Let’s Try This One More Time

From the ashes of the strangely-departed WPS, the National Women’s Soccer League announced earlier this week the destinations for 55 top level players from the US, Canada and Mexico.

The league carries over a handful of clubs from the heyday of WPS — The Ridiculously Named Sky Blue FC, Boston Breakers, Chicago Red Stars, and the Western New York Flash — and adds a few clubs in some of the areas where MLS has thrived of late- welcome to the party Portland Thorns, Seattle Reign, FC Kansas City, and Washington Spirit. And from looking at the initial player allocations, it looks like Cascadia is going to fare pretty well. These are far from final rosters, but should give you a good sense of the way each team will set up. Join me after the jump for the teams and my initial thoughts.

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Proper Player, Piss-Poor Pundit: The Glasses Do Nussing! Edition

Memo to Waldo: THIS is how you do “brainy specs” (Credit obvs to the Beeb)

This is a series that looks at the greats (and goods) of the beautiful game that went on to sully the ears of footy fans around the world in the cushy confines of the commentary booth. Today’s subject: Just because he has Dutch ancestry doesn’t mean he’s got a Dutch understanding of the game.  Step forward, Eric Wynalda!

By the numbers, Eric Wynalda is, relatively speaking, a middle-of-the-pack forward. The California native was good for about a goal every three games, dropping 34 goals in 107 appearances for the USMNT and 64 in 220 total club matches.  He did hold the distinction of being the US’s all-time goals leader until 2008, when he was surpassed by Landon Donovan.

His true value in the history of the game, though, is in his pioneering a viable path to Europe through Germany for American players. Landycakes flaming out in Hoffenheim and then going on loan to Bayern later in his career? Baby Bradley bossing the Monchengladbach midfield? Those don’t happen without “Waldo” going there first.  Wynalda’s signature for Saarbrucken in 1992 marked the first time that an American had played in the German top flight.

So for his work in preparing the USMNT for the Dempsey-Donovan era and in pioneering a path to Europe for American stars, I think we can definitely call Eric Wynalda a “proper player.”

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The Halftime Pint: Newcastle Brown Ale

One of the greater things about watching football in America is that most matches, especially those of the EPL, are early in the morning American time, giving people an excuse to day drink. This is part of our series discussing exactly what to drink when you’re at the pub, presented by our resident homebrewer, Keith

The Beer: Newcastle Brown Ale, Newcastle Brown Ale, Tadcaster, North Yorkshire, UK (Now owned by Heikenken and brewed at John Smith’s Brewery)

The Pub: The Football Factory at Legends, on 33rd St. in New York

What You Need to Know: I corrected a grievous error by reviewing a brown ale last week; Newcastle is the most famous of the Northern English Brown Ales. As I recounted when reviewing the brewery’s Founder’s Ale, the signature beer was first introduced in 1927 by Newcastle Brewing Company’s Lieutenant Colonel Jim Porter, himself a third-generation brewer.

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The Halftime Pint: Monty Python’s Holy Grail Black Knight’s Reserve

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Bartenders tend to like me.

One of the greater things about watching football in America is that most matches, especially those of the EPL, are early in the morning American time, giving people an excuse to day drink. This is part of our series discussing exactly what to drink when you’re at the pub, presented by our resident homebrewer, Keith

The Beer: Monty Python’s Holy Grail Black Knight’s Reserve, Black Sheep Brewery, Masham, North Yorkshire, United Kingdom

The Pub: The Queen Vic, in northeast DC

What You Need to Know: We covered Black Sheep Brewing’s history in the Yorkshire Dales previously in this space. In 1999, the brewery was contracted by the famed British comedy troupe to recognize their 30th anniversary year. Holy Grail Pale Ale was the result, and soon after the brewery added a Black Knight’s Reserve, a “Dark Yorkshire Ale (read:brown ale).”

Oddly enough, we have NOT reviewed a basic brown ale here. We have done its precursor, the mild, however. According to Brooklyn Brewery Brewmaster Garrett Oliver’s excellent The Brewmaster’s Table, brown ale was originally the workingman’s beer, as brown ale malts were cheaper to produce than a typical pale malt. Oliver continues, “In northern England, where people imagined themselves made of stronger stuff than affluent southerners, a hefty version of the style developed.” The split between Northern and Southern brown ales still does cut similarly along flavor profiles, with Northern a little drier and stronger than its sweet Southern cousin.

So, About this Beer: Pours deep brown with an ecru head. Tropical fruit and mineral on the aroma. Light carbonation and medium mouthfeel. Nutty roast flavors dominate, with just a soupçon of dark chocolate. Nice mineral snap on the back end, with little to no hop bitterness.

The Verdict: It’s a delightful beer, and would be so even if Becky at the Vic didn’t give me the special vessel pictured. Definitely give it a try.

The Halftime Pint: Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout

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A Perfect Pint for Breakfast Time

One of the greater things about watching football in America is that most matches, especially those of the EPL, are early in the morning American time, giving people an excuse to daydrink. This is part of our series discussing exactly what to drink when you’re at the pub, presented by our resident homebrewer, Keith.

The Beer: Oatmeal Stout, Samuel Smith’s Brewery, Tadcaster, England

The Pub: The Queen Vic, in Northeast DC

What you Need to Know: Samuel Smith’s Brewery was founded in 1758. The brewery, well-known as one of the most bare-bones breweries in the world, is also famous for its fermentation vessels, which are large open square slate tanks (as opposed to most breweries’ closed cylindrical/conical stainless steel or copper fermentation tanks). The “Yorkshire Squares” impart a snappy, mineral flavor to the beers. Samuel Smith’s was also one of the first and most well-known to proudly tout its organic grains, as its lager has been labeled as “Organic” for as long as it’s been made. Continue reading →

The F.R.A.N.C.O.I.S. System: A Guaranteed Guide to Seduction by Kolo Toure

King Kolo getting his education. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia property of FX Networks; crappy photoshop credit to me)

News broke over the weekend that “King” Kolo Toure, Manchester City Captain, all around excellent defender, and a guy that had a pretty gentlemanly reputation, carried on an affair with a 22 year-old woman, Kessel Kasuisyo, who was under the impression that she was dating a very successful car salesman named Francois, who frequently traveled to Africa to sell cars, and not represent the Ivory Coast in football.

It turns out that one of Kasuisyo’s friends broke up Kolo’s spot, telling Kasuisyo to search “Kolo Toure,” and also to realize that no car salesman is THAT fit.

What was unreported, however, is that this very activity had become a system for Toure- it seems that the Ivorian is a big fan of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”  We at FourFive Two, through our top sources, have uncovered Toure’s unique take on the show’s famed “D.E.N.N.I.S.” system.  We publish this hoping to help other footballers and even our dozens of readers to become more prolific lovers: Continue reading →

The Halftime Pint: Lump Of Coal Stout

One of the greater things about watching football in America is that most matches, especially those of the EPL, are early in the morning American time, giving people an excuse to daydrink. This is part of our series discussing exactly what to drink when you’re at the pub, presented by our resident homebrewer, Keith.

The Beer: Lump Of Coal Stout, Ridgeway Brewing, South Stoke, England, United Kingdom

The Pub: The Queen Vic, in Northeast DC

What you need to know: Ridgeway Brewing is a “gypsy brewery,” meaning that brewer Peter Scholey travels around to different breweries, uses their equipment, and then affixes the Ridgeway name and label on it.  There are quite a few breweries that operate this way, and put out consistently good product.  Stillwater Artisanal Ales, out of the Baltimore region, operates this way (though they just got a “permanent” space at the newly opened Of Love and Regret), as does Mikkeller out of Copenhagen.

The style, a Foreign Export Stout, is a “traveling” version of the classic stout.  It’s typically bolder, roastier and more alcoholic, so to better survive long trips on cargo ships.  It’s not as strong as the Imperial, but then again, it never had to satisfy Catherine the Great. Continue reading →

The Halftime Pint: Kronenbourg Blanc

20121111-165058.jpgOne of the greater things about watching football in America is that most matches, especially those of the EPL, are early in the morning American time, giving people an excuse to daydrink. This is part of our series discussing exactly what to drink when you’re at the pub, presented by our resident homebrewer, Keith.

The Beer: Kronenbourg 1664, Brasseries Kronenbourg, Obernai, France

The Pub: The Queen Vic, in Northeast DC

What You Need to Know: I covered the history of the Kronenbourg brewery when I reviewed their flagship pale lager. Basically, they’ve been brewing since the Holy Roman Empire.

White ale, or witbier, is a pretty popular offshoot of the Belgian Ale tradition. It’s a typically hazy ale that blends wheat with the normal barley mash, and often includes spices to help out with the flavoring and aroma. Really good wits have a really nice balance of spice, yeast funk and fruit flavors (often of the citrus variety).

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