Earlier today, Bayern Munich chief Christian Nerlinger revealed that the club would unveil a new striker at 13:00 GMT. He claimed, “There will be a spectacular new signing for the offensive area.” Bayern fans the world over screamed and shouted and jumped for joy at the prospect of a new goalscoring wizard. Giant donkey/surprisingly prolific goalscorer Mario Gomez has shouldered the bulk of the scoring responsibility for Bayern this year, having already bagged a league-leading 16 goals so far. But it’s not enough.
F.C. Hollywood are currently involved in an insanely tight race at the top of the Bundesliga, level on points with Schalke and Borussia Dortmund, with Borussia Monchengladbach only trailing the joint leaders by a single point. A new star striker would be just the thing to help separate the Bavarian club from the rest of the pack. So who is this world class dynamo preparing to set the Bundesliga alight? You!
Yes, that’s right. You.