Daydrinker’s Five: Biting Edition

So, what will the pundits be talking about this weekend, other than the Suarez Snack of Shame? Wynalda might not talk about anything else, and Darke and Macca spent a lot of the ESPN2 pre-game discussing a Liverpool-less future for Sir Bites-A-Lot, but here are some of the other things they could/should talk about.

Arsenal’s championship guard for United. With the league wrapped up well before the last day of the season (unlike last year’s wild and eminently more watchable ride), we’ll get the dubious tradition of the non-title-winning team clapping for the league champs. In this case, it’s watching RVP beaming about a league trophy, at the Emirates, the first year after leaving the Emirates. As an Arsenal fan, how does it feel? It feels like your boss gave the jerk in Sales with the perfect hair a bunch of really good leads, he went into Always Be Closing Mode, and you have to pretend to like him as you congratulate him for getting Employee of the Month as you fantasize about keying his car. The championship guard, as a tradition, blows.

Wigla. From now until their last game of the season, we’re likely to talk about Wigan and Villa together as they jockey for 17th and 18th place. Except, of course, when we talk about Wigan’s improbable journey to the FA Cup finals, where we can thank the Latics for blocking Millwall’s path to the FA Cup final.

The Relegation Six-Pointer that could have been. QPR plays Reading in a game that doesn’t have the drama it could have had in the relegation fight, simply because both teams are just that horribly and resolutely in the drop zone. There aren’t even many players worth poaching, unless you’re a fan of overpaid defenders pried from Anzhi Makhachkala.

Playing for second place. Regardless of how Man City does against West Ham this morning, expect contrasts to be drawn between the efficiently managed and quietly dominant United, and the boatload-of-strikers dysfunctional fantasy team that is City. The first half has been typical City — Aguero and Yaya Toure are showing up, Tevez is a black hole, Gareth Barry is getting trucked, Nasri is pouting, and David Silva’s doing a lot of rolling around and holding body parts.

The race for third (and fourth). Assuming City doesn’t entirely tank — and surely, none of us at FourFiveTwo are rooting for that — we’ll be looking at the next four teams in the table and projecting how they’ll finish. Arsenal’s toughest match remaining this season will be tomorrow’s RVP Lovefest (note to Sir Alex: This would be a great game to see what kind of striker you have in Welbeck), Spurs play the FA Cup Finalist half of Wigla (not their toughest game), Zorres and company host Swansea at Stamford Bridge, and Everton hosts Fulham, a game for which we have nothing witty to say, because it’s Everton hosting Fulham.

Looking Up At The Bottom: Dying Throes Edition

Ah, spring. The time of year that brings warmer temperatures, flowers, the twittering of birds … and the crushing of dreams as three unlucky groups of EPL fan bases find themselves unceremoniously dumped into the Championship League and trying to figure out what “nPower” is. It’s getting close to the end of the season, and the fuzziness that was there back in January (specifically, with ‘Arry trying to buy his way out of relegation with QPR’s millions) is clearing up …

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Another Ring on the Parka: Arsenal Bradfords It Against Blackburn

Yeah, this looks familiar.

The hosts of the excellent Men In Blazers podcast joke about Arsene Wenger’s puffy parka by positing the theory that for every year Arsenal doesn’t win a trophy, he grows another ring on the parka. Which would be hilarious if it wasn’t so painfully, consistently true. Fellow FourFiveTwoer Jeremiah complained about all the injustices done to ManU in their 1-1 tie at the Bernebau, in an exciting game in which de Gea lived up to his hype and the whole squad looked like they could upend on the top three teams in the world when they have their Champions League return leg at Old Trafford. That’s all but saying, “Owww! This trophy’s too heavy!” or “There aren’t enough spots on the field for all our crafty and effective strikers to score at will on the Fulhams of the world!” or “We only got six minutes of extra time there when it certainly could have been seven or eight!” Really, United fans complaining about their about-to-be-double-winning-team are the worst.

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Top Soccer Moments of 2012

Tonight we close the books on 2012, and it has been a pretty crazy year in soccer. From the Luis Suarez racism affair to Manchester City winning the title, there have been highs and lows, unless you are Manchester United and City, they just had highs. In typical Four Five Two fashion, we have compiled our top ten list of moments in soccer. Enjoy your evening and make sure you don’t drink too much champagne.

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Arsenal’s Annual General Meeting: Draft of Agenda Unearthed!

Today, Arsenal held its annual general meeting — on Arsene Wenger’s birthday week, no less, on the heels of an EPL loss to Norwich City and a Champions League loss to Schalke. By at least one media account, it was a grumpy affair, with chief executive Ivan Gazidis all but wearing “Why Always Me?” on his tie and Wenger being stoic on the outside and water-bottle-flingy on the inside.

It was going to be an entirely different meeting, though, judging from an early draft of the agenda — drawn up when optimism still reined at the Emirates apparently. We at FourFiveTwo present to you what could have been:

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The Inevitable Happens: RVP Goes REO, Says “It’s Time For Me To Fly”

So, that funny sound that all the Arsenal fans are making right now? That sort of weird, high-pitched, strangled sound that’s a cross between exultation, relief, betrayal, and anguish? It can only mean one thing — the one thing that’s been in play for six weeks now, ever since Robin van Persie took to his website on Independence Day (well, America’s, but his apparently as well) to announce that he was leaving. Arsenal’s striker and captain became Arsenal’s want-away striker and captain. And today, he’s finally gotten his wish, is singing “Time For Me To Fly” in the manner of REO Speedwagon, and will be donning the checkered tablecloth jersey of the Red Devils in the coming season.

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452′s EPL Previews: Day One

May just seems so long ago, doesn’t it?

So the Olympics are finally over in London and we can all get back to not watching NBC at all and not caring about sports like dressage and water polo. As an added bonus, the English Premier League is back this week! Rejoice, one and all! This season brings all manner of new diversions to get excited about: the Manchester Arms Race! Swanseapool! Fat Sam! The rebirth of AVB!

Here at Four Five Two, we hope to discuss all these things and more in an epic four day blogathon of season previews. Lots were cast, and today’s group fell to me. Hit the jump for my pearls of wisdom regarding Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, Southampton, and Manchester City. Continue reading

FourFiveTwo’s EPL Team of the Year

After almost 10 months of (sometimes) amazing action, another EPL season

This is how we draw our team out

has come to a close. And while we all count down the days to the beginning of what will surely be an amusing 3 games for the English National team, the fine staff at Four Five Two decided to put together a few end of season lists that are voted on after the season ends shockingly enough. Today we have our EPL Team of the Year, and appropriately enough our formation of choice is a 4-5-2.

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FA Cup Final Row Z: Window Dressing

Ooh, fancy program.

Before we get to my brief dissertation on the goings-on at Wembley today, let’s note that The Deuce has deigned to show Arsenal v. Norwich City this morning, to the delight of sleep-deprived Gooners and Canaries everywhere.

So, either Chelsea or Liverpool will lift some hardware today. It’s quite interesting to me that the managers of both clubs need this cup win badly to keep their bosses from being overly upset about the mediocre league results. Two teams hoping the shiny glare of the FA Cup will make up for the other unpleasantness. King Kenny is hoping two cups will be enough to distract John Henry and co. from the fact that Liverpool will not take any part in European competition next season, and may well finish the year a spot below derby rivals Everton. Meanwhile, for Roberto Di Matteo, this is Phase 1 of his “Coffee is for Closers” plan to convince Roman Abramovich that he’s a winner who deserves to still have a job at the end of this month. Phase 2 will roll out in Munich later this month.

More match listings (including MLS!) after the jump.
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View From Row Z: Homestretch Edition

In a just world this guy gets banished to the Championship. Just imagine the horror of a cold wet Thursday night in Stoke, in the Championship!

We have finally entered the homestretch of this EPL season, most teams only have 4 games left before the WAG pics come out in full force on those sunny beaches. And of course we get to turn our attention to some awful international footy from England, Spain being Spain, and ze Germans once again attempting to invade Poland. Until those happy days are upon us, we must be forced to watch entertaining matches such as Aston Villa – Sunderland. Oh and Chelsea plays Arsenal early, and Wolves would be all but relegated if they lose to the Arabs. El Clasico, or as I call it, El Douchico, is also available for those masochists among us. Enjoy the matches boys and girls.

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