Category Archives: Money City

Daydrinker’s Five: Biting Edition

So, what will the pundits be talking about this weekend, other than the Suarez Snack of Shame? Wynalda might not talk about anything else, and Darke and Macca spent a lot of the ESPN2 pre-game discussing a Liverpool-less future for Sir Bites-A-Lot, but here are some of the other things they could/should talk about.

Arsenal’s championship guard for United. With the league wrapped up well before the last day of the season (unlike last year’s wild and eminently more watchable ride), we’ll get the dubious tradition of the non-title-winning team clapping for the league champs. In this case, it’s watching RVP beaming about a league trophy, at the Emirates, the first year after leaving the Emirates. As an Arsenal fan, how does it feel? It feels like your boss gave the jerk in Sales with the perfect hair a bunch of really good leads, he went into Always Be Closing Mode, and you have to pretend to like him as you congratulate him for getting Employee of the Month as you fantasize about keying his car. The championship guard, as a tradition, blows.

Wigla. From now until their last game of the season, we’re likely to talk about Wigan and Villa together as they jockey for 17th and 18th place. Except, of course, when we talk about Wigan’s improbable journey to the FA Cup finals, where we can thank the Latics for blocking Millwall’s path to the FA Cup final.

The Relegation Six-Pointer that could have been. QPR plays Reading in a game that doesn’t have the drama it could have had in the relegation fight, simply because both teams are just that horribly and resolutely in the drop zone. There aren’t even many players worth poaching, unless you’re a fan of overpaid defenders pried from Anzhi Makhachkala.

Playing for second place. Regardless of how Man City does against West Ham this morning, expect contrasts to be drawn between the efficiently managed and quietly dominant United, and the boatload-of-strikers dysfunctional fantasy team that is City. The first half has been typical City — Aguero and Yaya Toure are showing up, Tevez is a black hole, Gareth Barry is getting trucked, Nasri is pouting, and David Silva’s doing a lot of rolling around and holding body parts.

The race for third (and fourth). Assuming City doesn’t entirely tank — and surely, none of us at FourFiveTwo are rooting for that — we’ll be looking at the next four teams in the table and projecting how they’ll finish. Arsenal’s toughest match remaining this season will be tomorrow’s RVP Lovefest (note to Sir Alex: This would be a great game to see what kind of striker you have in Welbeck), Spurs play the FA Cup Finalist half of Wigla (not their toughest game), Zorres and company host Swansea at Stamford Bridge, and Everton hosts Fulham, a game for which we have nothing witty to say, because it’s Everton hosting Fulham.

Looking Up At The Bottom: Dying Throes Edition

Ah, spring. The time of year that brings warmer temperatures, flowers, the twittering of birds … and the crushing of dreams as three unlucky groups of EPL fan bases find themselves unceremoniously dumped into the Championship League and trying to figure out what “nPower” is. It’s getting close to the end of the season, and the fuzziness that was there back in January (specifically, with ‘Arry trying to buy his way out of relegation with QPR’s millions) is clearing up …

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Looking Up at the Bottom, January Transfer Window Panic Button Edition: Your EPL Relegation Watch

Why can’t we just promote these guys right now? (Would anyone REALLY miss Reading?)

Back in October, we took a look at the bottom seven teams in the EPL for two reasons. First off, it seemed a reasonable number when talking about possibilities for which teams in the EPL might face relegation, and more importantly, it was the number of teams required for us to include Liverpool and subsequently ROFL all over ourselves.

Now, with just over a week left in the January transfer window, we’re revisiting the question of who will make way for Cardiff, and probably Leicester, and maybe Hull, and maybe Millwall or a Zaha-less Crystal Palace (Fergie to Zaha: YOU ARE MINE. What Fergie to Zaha sounds like to those of us who aren’t zombies: BRAINNNNNS! BRAINNNNNNS!), but sadly probably not a Nottingham Forest to enter the Prem, and disappear into the vortex that is the Championship League.

But, we digress. Here are your losers.

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Top Soccer Moments of 2012

Tonight we close the books on 2012, and it has been a pretty crazy year in soccer. From the Luis Suarez racism affair to Manchester City winning the title, there have been highs and lows, unless you are Manchester United and City, they just had highs. In typical Four Five Two fashion, we have compiled our top ten list of moments in soccer. Enjoy your evening and make sure you don’t drink too much champagne.

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Have Yourself A Manc-y Little Christmas

Adding to a tradition of bad sweaters, egg nog, and coal in Joey Barton’s stocking, the clearly-Christmas-loving folks at Manchester City have launched this awesome new advent calendar, featuring daily videos with a member of everyone’s favorite Defending League Champions, which is what happens when you give a marketing department video cameras, a green screen, and an oligarch’s budget to burn through. And, yet, there’s something delightfully low-budget and dorky about the whole endeavor.

Mario Balotelli was in the debut video, but instead of lighting a Yule Log with fireworks, or crashing his camo-painted sports car into Santa’s sled, he’s pulling a Christmas cracker (which is low-grade, stay-on-Santa’s-good-list-level danger). David Silva, presumably filmed before fighting back and hamstring injuries, is rocking a James Dean sweatshirt (2012, right? Just checking) and nibbling on a mince pie (though the unfinished pie ends up in a staff member’s belly rather than on eBay). In the best video so far, Aleksander Koralov seems puzzled by “Jingle Bells” (what, do they not have that song in Serbia?), but he sings speaks it anyway, and hilarity ensues.

What’s to come? Nasri singing from The Grinch’s ouevre? Kolo Toure doing an ill-advised version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside?” Lescott with a wreath around his forehead? Santa Platini booming, “On Dortmund, On Real, On Ajax, On Blitzen?” Whatever’s coming next, it’s sure to bring the Yuletide cheer that only an Abu Dhabi-based ownership group knows how to deliver.

The F.R.A.N.C.O.I.S. System: A Guaranteed Guide to Seduction by Kolo Toure

King Kolo getting his education. (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia property of FX Networks; crappy photoshop credit to me)

News broke over the weekend that “King” Kolo Toure, Manchester City Captain, all around excellent defender, and a guy that had a pretty gentlemanly reputation, carried on an affair with a 22 year-old woman, Kessel Kasuisyo, who was under the impression that she was dating a very successful car salesman named Francois, who frequently traveled to Africa to sell cars, and not represent the Ivory Coast in football.

It turns out that one of Kasuisyo’s friends broke up Kolo’s spot, telling Kasuisyo to search “Kolo Toure,” and also to realize that no car salesman is THAT fit.

What was unreported, however, is that this very activity had become a system for Toure- it seems that the Ivorian is a big fan of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”  We at FourFive Two, through our top sources, have uncovered Toure’s unique take on the show’s famed “D.E.N.N.I.S.” system.  We publish this hoping to help other footballers and even our dozens of readers to become more prolific lovers: Continue reading →

A Random Mish-Mash Of Transfer Rumors!

This is in no way related. It’s just funny, and true.

Nicolas Anelka is rumored to have had enough of life at Shanghai Shenhua (No real surprise there.) and is looking to go back to Anfield where he enjoyed a successful loan spell in 2002. West Ham United and Queens Park Rangers are apparently also looking into the Frenchman, but he’s adamant that he would prefer to go back to Liverpool.

Joey Barton seems to be enjoying his time in Marseille, wanting to turn his loan spell into a more permanent gig. Barton is quoted saying: ”If I were the one to decide, I’d stay at Marseille.”  I personally think it would be interesting to see how the French will react when he goes all Joey Barton on someone.

Sandro is reported to be a target of Manchester United. United however are weary of their chances of convincing Daniel Levy to let the Brazilian midfielder at Tottenham Hotspur go.

Luiz Adriano has raised some eyebrows with his performances against CSKA London aka, Chelsea with Shakhtar Donestk. He has been linked with a move to LOL-pool and Arsenal and Tottenham are reportedly interested as well.

Ashley Cole has an expiring contract with Chelsea, he’s also a victim of the over 30 rule that was recently instated. He’s been linked with a free move to PSG however, Real Madrid have thrown their hats in the ring.

Wilfried Bony is woo-ing Chelsea, reports say, to the point that Michael Emenalo (Chelsea’s sporting director) has been travelling to the Netherlands to watch Bony play for Vitesse Arnhem and. Wilfried is quoted saying it would be “an honor” to play for Chelsea. The London based club is prepared to make an £8 million bid (Yes, he is a forward.)

Chelsea are also eyeing Fluminese’s full-back Wallace and PSV Eindhoven’s Riecheldy Bazoer only to never play them and eventually sell them to mid-ranking sides in La Liga.

West Ham are looking into Zurich’s midfielder Izet Hajrovic.

Mario Balotelli might just make a move back to his home country of Italy. Manchester United defender Patrice Evra has said ”Mario really misses Italy. I don’t know if he will stay in Manchester because he wants to return to his country. I’m not his agent – I am only telling you how he feels.” sometime after the Italy-France match in Parma, Italy. According to The Sun, Mancini will happily sell the striker to either of the Milan clubs or anyone else who wants him, and then offset the loss by buying Radamel Falcao from Atlético Madrid.

Christian Benteke has spoken out about the club that he adores. Only, it’s not Aston Villa. The striker has been quoted saying this: “Arsenal are the club I love” and following up with: “I’m not afraid of making enemies at Villa by saying I love Arsenal. One can say worse things.” 

Speaking of Villa, the now bench-warming keeper Shay Given has come out and said “I would love to play for Celtic.” Those two statements might just be personal insights and nothing more but, who knows.

Also on Villa’s shopping list is Maribor striker Robert Beric and Wilfried Bony (Where have I heard that name before? And why do I think Villa won’t be able to compete with big money to make him want to join?)

Speculations say that Arsenal would be more than happy to relieve Edin Dzeko from Manchester City (Or, Money City, if you will.) Arsène Wenger is also eyeing Alvaro Morata of Real Madrid, Will Hughes of Derby county, Liam Trotter of Ipswich Town (Going for the youngsters, eh?) and Wilfried Zaha of Crystal Palace. (Who isn’t?)

The gunners and scousers are looking to make a trade, swapping Raheem Stirling and Theo Walcott after both players made wage demands that their clubs are refusing to meet. (Raising children is expensive at 17, eh Raheem?)

David Beckham has been linked with a move to New York from LA however, representatives of Beckham have been in talks with clubs from the Australian A-League. (A Beckham-Heskey match up would be pretty interesting.)

Money City are also looking to rid Conor Hunte of all that Cockney slang going through his head at Chelsea. I’d call that a favor except, it’s City.

Speaking of Arse-senal (See what I did there?) Emmanuel Frimpong will be allowed to negotiate with other clubs in January, seeing as though his contract is running out.

Newcastle have been eyeing Lille’s Mathieu Debuchy “Like a bashful teenager trying to pluck up the courage to ask for a date” as The Guardian puts it.

Blackpool’s Tom Ince has been watched by Tottenham, Newcastle, and, Manchester United.

Since we’re on the Red Devils, United are prepared to make a £12 million bid for Celtic’s Victor Wanyama. (I personally endorse this move) United are also prepared to make the same bid for Stoke City’s Ryan Shawcross (Sounds like a bad backup plan to me) Random fact: If either of these transfers go through, it will be the first time United has purchased a central midfielder since 1993.

This just in, Arsenal have given up, Bacary Sagna is going to Internazionale.