Oh, hi! On this most glorious of Super Tuesdees, Platini and his cronies have gifted us a couple Chaaaampions! return legs to feast on. You know the first one, where Wenger’s Gunners host Allegri’s Rossoneri at the Emirates and need to somehow overcome the 4-0 smackdown at the San Siro. Five-Nil to the Arse would do it, but four would suffice to force ET and PKs. Then all they need is for the Milanese to take penalties like Dirk Kuyt so Szczczczesny can put Arsenal through to the next round.
HAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding? Milan advance.
The other matchup features a Benfica side that was nearly frozen solid in St Petersburg, but still managed to only lose 3-2 to Zenit. They can get by with a 1-0 win. Benfica is loaded with South Americans, including Paraguay’s Oscar “Tacuara” Cardozo, Argentina’s Pablo “The Little Clown” Aimar, Nicolás “Nico” Gaitán, and Javier “The Rabbit” Saviola, to name a few. Curiously, the Russians have more Portuguese starters than the club from Lisbon, including Bruno Alves and Miguel Danny. PLUS: Magic Pixie, but he’s probably cup-tied. I have no idea who gets the edge here but I’m guessing it will be a fun game to watch.
There’s also a bunch of NPowership matches this afternoon featuring teams that end in “City”, “United”, “borough”, and/or “Town”. You can google that if you’re interested.